F: I just think about the opposite of what I'm doing.
W: Alright, guys, let's get down to business. First, let's welcome back Noah Puckerman. Puck, I hope your time in juvie has taught you a lesson or two about right and wrong.
P: Are you kidding me? I ruled that place. All I did was lift weight and crack skulls all day.
Q: Wow, what a catch. Can't believe I ever let you go.
W: And now drum roll, Finn because I have in my hand, our competition for Sectionals next month. First, the acapella choir from the all boys private school in Westerville, the Dalton Academy Warblers.
Okay, hold up, like a million awesome gay jokes just popped into my head.
W: And the other team to beat, the Hipsters, a first year club from the Warren Township Continuing Education Program.
W: Now, they are a Glee club composed entirely of all elderly people getting their high school GEDs
R: Is that legal?
M: How are we suppose to compete against a bunch of adorable old people?
P: Are you kidding? Brittle bones. Give one of those old ladies a good luck pat on the rear and it will shatter her pelvis.
W: Moving on, since it seems to get you guys jazzed about Sectionals last year, I want to make this week our second annual boys versus girls tournament. So, split up into two groups and figure out what songs you're going to sing.
R: Okay, I have mashup ideas in my emergency mashup list.
W: Kurt, I'm going to say it again, boy's team.
W: Look, I'm not tossing the baby out with the bath water here.
B: I've totally done that.
W: We're just making an adjustment. Boys, you are now doing songs traditionally sung by girl groups. And, girls, try some classic rock. Uh, The Who, The Stones. The more opposite your choice, the more points you get.
K: Don't worry, gentlemen. I have this one under control.
M: The boys beat us the last time we competed against them. We've got to bring the noise hard this time.
Q: To be fair, they didn't officially beat us. We got busted for vitamin D possession before the vote.
S: Wait, something is definitely wrong. Why isn't Rachel talking?
B: Yeah, she should totally be bossing us around right now.
R: The idea of the assignment was to do the opposite of what we normally do. I'm just trying to stick to the lesson plan which is proving nearly impossible since you're gluing those sequins on backwards. Spies!
P: Lighten up. We're here to talk to Santana and Brittany.
P: Remember, don't trust your instincts.
S: Hmm, so, how's it feel to be a free man?
A: All I can say is I don't want a long-term relationship with either of you. Especially Brittany since I'm not in love with her.
B: Do you guys want to go out to dinner tonight?
P: Not really.
P: Tell you what, you two show up at Breadsticks tomorrow night around seven and if we don't find hotter chicks to date tonight, we might show up.
S: You are totally cool.
A: I can't believe it... you're a genius.
Start me up / Start me up / Oh, Tommy used to work on the docks / Union's been on strike / He's down on his luck... it's tough / Oh, so tough
Oh, we've got to hold on ready or not / You live for the fight when that's all that you've got / Start me up / We're half way there / Oh, livin' on a prayer
If you start me up / Kick on the starter give it all you got, you got, you got / I can't compete with the riders in the other heats, yeah / I'll make a grown man cry / I'll make a grown man give it a shot / Start me up / We're half way there / Oh, livin' on a prayer / Livin' on a prayer
Oh, we've got to hold on ready or not / You live for the fight when that's all that you've got / Oh, we're half way there / Oh, livin' on a prayer / Take my hand and we'll make it, I swear / Oh, livin' on a prayer
Livin' on a prayer / You gotta start me up
W: Ladies, very, very impressive. What was is that made you guys choose those songs?
B: Coach said to give you this.
W: Well, I genuinely hope you guys are happy because Coach Beiste has quit.
F: Wait, what? That's terrible.
S: Yeah, it's not what we want.
A: That's the opposite of what we want. The football team is actually winning.
W: Well then you better put your heads together and find a way to get her back. Fast. Because I am actually ashamed of you. You really hurt someone who is a great addition to this school.
R: I'm sorry. What exactly did we do?
F: No, no. It's us. The boys.
M: And Tina.
F: We sorta figured out that picturing Beiste while making out was even better than a cold shower. Uh, I mean I don't! Ever.
Q: Oh, wow. I'm sorry.
S: Can I just say this is what happens when people don't put out. If everyone just put out, we would have a winning football team.
F: William, I need to see you and Noah Puckerman in my office please.
B: I don't get it. It's boys against the girls but what's the winner get?
F: We were hoping for your forgiveness.
S: Yeah, we just wanted to apologize for hurting your feelings.
F: Coach Beiste, we think you're awesome. And even though you're all hard and tough on the outside doesn't mean you're not the opposite in the inside.
S: Like a chocolate turtle.
F: Totally. You're nougatty. And we totally get that now. You're like a mashup.
W: Why don't you guys just get to the song.
A: Totally. This mashup is dedicated to you, coach. Hard and badass on one hand and soft and curly on the other.
P: We hope it makes you smile. Cause when you smile, you're pretty and it lights up the room. Seriously.
Stop! In the name of love / Before you break my heart / Think it over / Free your mind and the rest will follow / Be color blind, don't be so shallow / Before you can read me you gotta / Learn how to see me, I said
B: It was really good. I liked it. Thank you.
A: Get over here.
I ♥ Rachel Berry