W: Just one of the perks of being a high school teacher, constant exposure to illness. Alright, guys, um, time to start thinking about song selections. I mean I feel like I might have a fever but it's important that I power through it. Okay, I definitely have a fever.
S: Looking good, Puckerman. Someone's been eating their Wheaties.
P: These guns are fully loaded.
R: Mr. Schue, I for one think we should use our set list for Sectionals to start exploring the oeuvre of one Bernadette Peters.
B: Someday, I'm going to go to Paris and visit the oeuvre.
M: I just want to dance.
M: Mr. Schuester, you look a little green.
W: Um, I think I'm going to go see the nurse. But first I feel like I should get you guys a sitter.
R: Class, in Mr. Schuester's absence, I would like to go around and ask everyone what solos they would like to hear me perform at Sectionals.
S: Alright, you know, let me at her!
F: Dude, what are you doing?
P: Kurt got us a substitute so I'm buttering the floor.
F: But Sectionals is like two weeks from now.
A: Hey, gigantor. We're all gonna swap names, yo.
R: Um, did I hear something about a substitute-
P: Yes! It works.
R: Well, at least I didn't fall and break my talent. I'm fine.
A: Oh, what the hell.
H: Hola, clase. Nothing says bienvenidos quite like a buttered floor. Let's start with some introductions. My name is Holly Holiday. What's yours? Go.
P: I'm Finn Hudson. I'm quarterback of the football team.
S: I'm Rachel Berry. His loud girlfriend.
B: I'm Mike Chang.
H: Those aren't your names. You know why I know that?
B: Your psychic.
H: I know this because I recently watched a video of you guys performing at Regionals where you came in last. Maybe it was because the songs were about thirty years old but-
F: Those songs are classics.
H: Those songs are amazing but they sounded like somebody else's favorite songs. Not yours. Just saying.
B: She speaks the truth.
H: I'm not your average, run of the mill, substitute teacher. I want you guys to do things that you want to do. I want you to have fun in our fabulous but fleeting time together. What do you say we have class outside today?
M: It's raining outside.
H: Well then let's take a field trip to Taco Bell. Should we toke up some medical grade marijuana? I wish.
F: It's really hard not to like this woman.
R: Okay, no. We can't just goof off all day. We have to write a set list for Sectionals.
H: You're right. What songs would you like to do? Oh, don't get asked that question much, do we?
K: Miss Holiday is right. Mr. Schuester's set list sometimes seems like he hasn't listened to the radio since the 80s.
P: He never listens to what I have to say.
P: Mr. Schue, can we do that new Cee-lo song Forget You?
W: Uh, no. C'mon, guys, there's got to be a Journey song we haven't done yet.
H: Cee-lo! That's what I'm talking about.
S: Excuse me, what would you know about Cee-lo? Because you're like forty.
H: Top 40, sweet cheeks. Hit it!
I see you drivin' round town with the guy I love / And I'm like, "Forget you!" / I guess the change in my pocket wasn't enough / I'm like, "Forget you!" / Yeah, I'm sorry I can't afford a Ferrari / But that don't mean I can't get you there / I guess she's an Xbox and I'm more Atari / But the way you play your game ain't fair / I pity the fool that falls in love with you / (Oh, she's a gold digger) / Well / (Just thought you should know) / Ooooooh / I've got some news for you / Yeah go run and tell your little girlfriend
I see you drivin' round town with the guy I love / And I'm like, "Forget you!" / I guess the change in my pocket wasn't enough / I'm like, "Forget you!" / Said if i was richer, I'd still be with ya / Ha, now ain't that some sh--? (ain't that some sh--?) / And although there's pain in my chest / I still wish you the best with a... / Forget you! / Oo, oo, ooo / Now baby, baby, baby / Wy d'you wanna wanna hurt me so bad? / (So bad, so bad, so bad) / I tried to tell my mamma / But she told me, "This is one for your dad" / (Your dad, your dad, your dad) / Uh! Whhhy? Uh! Whhhy? Uh! / Whhhy baby? Oh! I love you oh! / I still love you. Oooh!
I see you drivin' round town with the guy I love / And I'm like, "Forget you!" / I guess the change in my pocket wasn't enough / I'm like, "Forget you! And forget him too!" / Said if i was richer, I'd still be with ya / Ha, now ain't that some sh--? (ain't that some sh--?) / And although there's pain in my chest / I still wish you the best with a... / Forget you! / Oo, oo, ooo
H: Let's go get some tacos! Yes!
W: I don't understand who gave her the authority to take over Glee club. What?
R: I was doing a fine job of running Glee in your absence and then Kurt - jealous - asked her to take over.
W: I'm not too worried about it, Rachel. I really appreciate your concern but I'm not worried about someone coming in and usurping me. You kids love me.
R: Sue doesn't.
S: You know it's so nice having someone fun at this school. We're back.
S: Hoarders is great but-
B: -Animal Hoarders is better.
H: Hoarders and red wine. I'm buzzed.
R: You have to get well, Mr. Schuester. Because every day you're here, she's there. And it becomes more and more likely that she's going to start running the Glee club and you're going to become the substitute.
H: Hey, Rachel.
R: Hello, Miss. Holiday. I would like you to know that I have a very severe bruise on my right buttocks from your game of gangster rap musical chairs. I will be going on record with the school nurse later today.
H: Rachel, you suck! Oh my god, you're like a total drag. Has anyone ever told you that?
P: I have.
H: Oh, Puckerman, here's the answers to the pop quiz, I'll be giving in Spanish class later. It's so boring in there.
P: Thanks, Miss H.
R: You know what? Maybe I should be more like you. All fun and just forget about the consequences.
H: Well, frankly, yes, you should. I mean at least sometimes. When's the last time you did something just because you thought it would be a blast? Take Glee club. I mean you have all these great ideas. When's the last time you actually did one of them?
R: Mr. Schue can be a little tight fisted with song selection but I would like to do something more upbeat and glamorous with a good dance beat.
H: Sounds reasonable to me. Have you asked?
R: Mr. Schuester, I want to do more of an upbeat, glamorous song with a really good dance beat.
W: No. But I have good news. I found a Journey song we haven't done yet.
H: Rachel, I use to be just like you. Trying to get everything so right, hanging on so tight.
R: What happened?
H: I got punched in the face. Anyway, why don't you let me know the name of this upbeat, glamorous song with a nice dance beat because, hot stuff, you are doing it in Glee club.
R: I kind of need a partner to do the song I wanted.
H: I thought you would never ask. It's kind of my catch phrase.
You can like the life you're living / You can live the life you like / You can even marry Harry / But mess around with Ike / And that's / Good, isn't it? / Grand, isn't it? / Great, isn't it? / Swell, isn't it? / Fun, isn't it... / But nothing stays /
In fifty years or so / It's gonna change, you know / But, oh, it's heaven / Nowadays
And all that jazz
W: So, I guess this is where I grovel to try and get my job back.
S: No groveling necessary, William. I'm returning you to your position. You know, one of the marks of a successful leader is appointing trusted lieutenants. And Miss Holiday was clearly not up to the job. And you irritate me, William. You make the under flaps of my breasts burn like when I use to rub them with poison. But your kids sure love you. As evidenced by the amount of trickling, blubbering I had to sit through.
R: I use to think that I was the best thing to happen to this school but I was wrong. Mr. Schuester is.
W: Alright, alright. Thank you very much, guys. Please, please sit down. Thank you for that and for all the kind words you said about me to Sue. The feelings are mutual. Now, we got to get cracking though. We lost a few days there and it's all going to be about focus and hard work for the next couple of days.
P: I guess Miss Holiday really is gone.
W: I know you guys liked her and she was a lot of fun but she and I both agreed that this what was best.
T: Don't get us wrong, Mr. Schue. We always want you as our teacher. She was just kind of a nice break.
Q: She did loosen us up.
A: And she actually had good ideas for a sub.
W: Yeah, I get it. And maybe we can incorporate those after Sectionals. Now, when I'm sick there's only one thing that makes me feel better.
A: Gin and juice.
W: No. Singing in the Rain. I must have watched it like ten times over the past few days. It's actually what inspired me to try this out as a contender for our first song at Sectionals.
S: When is this song from?
W: Well, the movie opened in 1952. But but but, it's really timeless.
I'm singing in the rain (We'll shine together) / Just singing in the rain (be here forever) / What a glorious feelin' (be a friend) / I'm happy again (stick it out till the end) / I'm laughing at clouds (more than ever) /So dark up above (we'll have each other) / I'm singin', / Singin' in the rain (my umbrella) / You can stand under my umbrella / (Ella ella eh eh eh) / Under my umbrella / (Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)
I ♥ Rachel Berry